Crash

Skittering across melancholy, wild thoughts queuing up for expression, lists of things to do forming in wave after wave; that was just another morning. Adult ADHD Suzy at work diagnosed the other day; as if we all need to be labelled with defects and profound psychological disorders. Maybe it's just hormones. The glass half full or half empty; and we agreed that struggle as we might we were the half empty types. Other people are just born positive; they enjoy their lives, they would be honoured to be labelled sperm donors, but don't really care one way or the other. I really wanted to have kids; didn't want to grow old sitting on a bar stool, a profound compulsion which stretched back over years.

I can remember, when Clara said she was pregnant one morning, walking past White Bay and across what is now the Anzac Bridge into town, when I lived at Quirk Street in Rozelle. I felt cozy, warm and protective of someone who hadn't even been born, and in this case wouldn't ever be born. I just wanted to be a parent, I wanted a kid in my arms; I wanted to have to go to work to provide money and a living for my little family. Cara had an abortion and the day it happened I just went to work like it was just another day. I didn't want to be there; I didn't want to lend support. I didn't agree with killing the unborn. I must have been a right-to-lifer in another life.

It never happened and I was shy of sex, particularly with women. Some blokes can raise the mast for any occasion, think nothing of banging away to a mounting organism several times a day, and if they don't get enough of that a wank or two or three keeps the urge at bay. That wasn't me, I don't know why. Up until about 24 sex was always for financial gain; the sad, lonely, desperate and the rich; but even then they didn't get much bang for their bucks. The Thais might believe in happy endings, their professional roles an art, or a job, all in itself. Not me. I had to be completely drunk before I let them suck me off; and as for the rest of all that grotty stuff, I just didn't want to do it. Even in later life; whole relationships and possibilities have passed by while I diddled and daddled and held back. You put what where? I can hear a kid's voice ask. You've got toe be joking. Yuk. And yet the bestiality of man and the flashing thoughts and images; it's meant to be our most profound drive.

Just like everybody else, your whole life can change in a moment. Just like these two blokes, who headed off for a flight one afternoon from a quiet little aerodrome in Sydney's west; only to find minutes later their dream plane in pieces, the sirens screaming and the waves of pain hacking through their damaged bodies as they sped towards intensive care.

THE BIGGEST STORY:

More and more it looks like Australia may be heading for a change of government. Elections must be held by the end of the year.

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/santoro-a-setback-that-howard-can-ill-afford/2007/03/16/1173722750147.html

Santoro a setback that Howard can ill afford

Michelle GrattanMarch 17, 2007
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John Howard is angry at Santo Santoro and probably at himself.
There he was earlier this week, defending Santoro's blunder over one parcel of shares, while his minister didn't mention 70 other transactions.
It is almost inconceivable that this could have happened. Santoro didn't explain it adequately yesterday, other than saying he had his mind on his ministerial work.

We are told that last year Santoro discovered he had undisclosed shares in a company, CBio, that impinged on his portfolio. He informed the PM, and got rid of the shares, giving the profit to "charity".
That initially sounded straightforward. But it wasn't. It emerged that the shares had been offered to Santoro by the head of a conservative family organisation — and that was the body to which Santoro donated the profit.
But that's not what brought Santoro down. The story got worse. The message came to Santoro from Tony Nutt, chief of staff to the PM (who was overseas): tell us your finances are OK. The answer — that there had been all these other transactions — sent waves of shock and fury through Howard.
No wonder he said Santoro's resignation was an open-and-shut case.
It's a mystery why Santoro failed to declare his finances, an even bigger mystery why he didn't put his affairs in order when fixing up the error over CBio. He changed his story within an hour yesterday, first saying Howard had not asked about other shares last year, and then saying he had.
Howard says he did. No doubt he will be pressed on the detail when Parliament resumes next week. He will be kicking himself for not pursuing his minister harder. But whatever the PM said, wouldn't any halfway brainy minister have made the connection?
Some will be tempted to see Santoro's fall as part of the general mudslinging that has dominated federal politics in recent weeks.
But it should be viewed as a stand-alone issue. Members of Parliament are supposed to declare their financial interests; ministers have the additional requirement of declaring them to the Prime Minister. As Howard said, a genuine oversight can be tolerated, but this cannot. Either deliberately or because he is totally flaky, Santoro has thumbed his nose at parliamentary and ministerial standards.
Until Ian Campbell was sacrificed to the Coalition's pursuit of Kevin Rudd over his contact with Brian Burke, Howard had let his code of conduct gather dust. But even if the mud wasn't flying, it would have been hard to overlook this one.
Santoro's share transactions are pretty extraordinary, although both he and Howard claim they didn't amount to "trading".
Santoro is an unusual character. "He has been a tribal Liberal warrior since he was in short pants," says Queensland Liberal Cameron Thompson.
He is the action man who in his political dealings doesn't fuss too much about the niceties. In this case, that neglect has not only caused his fall but inflicted a setback that the Government, already beleaguered, can ill afford. Especially in Queensland, where the police have recently raided the offices of three Liberal MPs.