Betrayal

What Is That Sound

what is that sound which so thrills the ear
Down in the valley drumming, drumming?
Only the scarlet soldiers, dear,
The soldiers coming.

O what is that light I see flashing so clear
Over the distance brightly, brightly?
Only the sun on their weapons, dear,
As they step lightly.

O what are they doing with all that gear,
What are they doing this morning, this morning?
Only their usual manoeuvres, dear.
Or perhaps a warning.

O why have they left the road down there,
Why are they suddenly wheeling, wheeling?
Perhaps a change in their orders, dear.
Why are you kneeling?

O haven't they stopped for the doctor's care,
Haven't they reined their horses, their horses?
Why, they are none of them wounded, dear.
None of these forces.

O is it the parson they want, with white hair,
Is it the parson, is it, is it?
No, they are passing his gateway, dear,
Without a visit.

O it must be the farmer who lives so near.
It must be the farmer so cunning, so cunning?
They have passed the farmyard already, dear,
And now they are running.

O where are you going? Stay with me here!
Were the vows you swore deceiving, deceiving?
No, I promised to love you, dear,
But I must be leaving.

O it's broken the lock and splintered the door,
O it's the gate where they're turning, turning;
Their boots are heavy on the floor
And their eyes are burning.

-- W. H. Auden


Betrayal takes many forms; and the depths of feeling over Howard's betrayals run very deep indeed. Many of these betrayals have affected separated fathers; from the small business operators who thought the Liberals stood for an entrepenarial spirit and who thanks to the GST are now wrapped in paper work and transformed into tax collectors; to the battlers, literally, who, encouraged by seven thousand dollar irst home buyer grants and government rhetoric of a booming economy entered the Sydney property market and now find themselves drowning in debt and living on credit.

Betrayed was the name we used for our first show after the delivery of the report Every Picture Tells A Story. As Rod Hardwick, then President of Dads Australia, said on our show: "The failure of the Committee to implement Equal Parenting in the light of overwhelming evidence that supports such a policy, is devastating not only for both parents, but especially the children who would have gained the most benefit."

Writing the speach continues to make me nervous, continues to churn me up; continues to outrage me. I'll be glad when it's over; it's doing me no good at all. What's eating you? people keep asking. Nothing, I snap back. Nothing. F off and die; drown in the Sydney traffic; vote for the government and die in Iraq; what's any of it matter any more. The arseholes have won; they've taken over; anything I try to do is just ridiculed or treated with contempt; your kindness taken for granted; your talents utilised as would a piece of garden furniture; placed in the mix as cheaply as possible.


THE BIGGER STORY:


UWS News

Separated fathers: men in crisis

The pain of separation and divorce is having an alarming effect on the
mental health of Australian males and may be contributing to our high rates
of male suicide according to UWS academics.

Dr David Crawford and Professor John Macdonald from the University's Men's
Health Information and Resource Centre say relationship breakdown and
divorce are leaving many men emotionally broken and unable to cope.

"Australian research shows that divorce is rated as one of the most
distressing life events for men and women," says Professor Macdonald.

"In 2000 there were some 50, 000 divorces - 23, 600 of those were families
with children. With 42% of first marriages failing, we are increasingly
seeing the devastating effects that separation has on people's mental
health and well-being, particularly men who are often an overlooked
casualty in divorce."

Professor Macdonald says this inability to cope with the aftermath of
separation could be one of the reasons for Australia's high rate of male
suicide.

"Recently separated fathers are an extremely high-risk group for suicide
and self-harm," says Professor Macdonald.

"A great proportion of men who go through family breakdown experience
considerable psychological stress. While most of the men begin to cope well
after about two years, a sizeable number do not.

"Research shows that separated men are six times more likely to suicide
than married men and this was greatest in the age group up to 29 years.
Separated males aged 30-54 years are 12 times more likely to suicide than
separated women."

Professor Macdonald believes there are many reasons why men are finding it
difficult to come to terms with their newly-separated status.

"Separated fathers find it tough to cope with basic daily living. These men
have to begin a new life, which is incredibly difficult," he says.

"Many feel an acute loss of family life and their self-identity as a
parent. They also feel disconnected from their children and have
difficulties in establishing new life routines and new friendships."

"Family law and related financial issues are also problematic for separated
fathers. Access to children, court proceedings, maintenance, even false
allegations of abuse have been encountered.

"It's difficult to have a meaningful relationship with your children when
you are allowed little more than fortnightly contact with them."

Professor Macdonald called for more support services for men who experience
family breakdown and find it tough.

"The period immediately after separation is the most difficult time for
such men, however look in the telephone directory for services for
separated fathers and you'll find virtually all the services are for
women," he says.

"The perception seems to be that men should be stoic and 'soldier on' in
silence. It's considered that women are more likely to seek help and
emotional support from friends, doctors, counsellors, religious counsel and
marriage guidance groups.

"Men are reluctant to use such services because they believe that
counselling doesn't work and the services are really for women.

"We need to re-think the community health and counselling services offered
to couples experiencing separation and divorce. We need to establish ways
to make them more appealing and suitable to men of all ages so they are not
left to cope on their own.

"Society also needs to adopt a more inclusive view of families. We must
object to post-divorce arrangements that allow children to become
needlessly distant from their fathers. The mental health of the father must
become a consideration - they are not 'disposable dads'."