The Seven Shields

He burned the candle at both ends
so his years were few
But, of what a beautiful flame he made

Alfred Lord Tennyson


Heath Ledger has died and everyone is very sad. Brokeback Mountain was one of those movies you either loved or hated and I loved it; seeing it three times. His almost "father-in-law" Larry Williams, Michelle Williams father and grandfather to the two-year-old now fatherless Matilda, lives here in Sydney and is fighting extradition back to the US over some share trading charges. Larry's won the heart of journalists by being affable and forthcoming, rather than telling us all to get nicked; which is what a lot of these people do. F off you vultures. It's another funeral today, Trevor Drayton in the Hunter. He's been very critical of the media for their insensitivity to his family in their coverage; so it's going to be another wonderful day. Like the day the Bandidos buried one of their chapter leaders, and the media were strictly forbidden. Always good at getting into places where I wasn't meant to be, I sat quietly amongst some of the most fearsome bikies you're ever likely to see, all of them in full regalia in honour of their mate; and when I stood up at the end my reporter's pad clattered to the ground. I stooped down to pick it up, and was out of there before anyone had the chance to muscle up.

The snaking belts led to a trail through the years; severely distorted self-image and the shields behind which I lived. The theory was that if the first one collapsed, there was another behind; to a depth of seven. It was impossible to get to me. Have a shot, go on, have a shot. There was no one there. He had stepped behind another screen. The comfort of adventure, the comfort of words, the facade which faced the exterior world, it all worked so well. Shattered to the four winds, as I so often was, in the early dawn, the self-talk all about survival and the staggering beauty of the landscape, as I crouched on the top of city buildings and watched the sunrise light up the harbour, picking out Fort Dennison and the islands in the centre, illuminating the cascading richness of the coves and the extreme wealth of the houses. I used that phrase again recently; quoting Australian playwright David Williamson: no one in Sydney wastes time worrying about the meaning of life - it's to get a harbour view. And here I was, crouched in these alcoves only I knew how to find, watching the harbour change from night to day in a myriad of colours: and I used to wonder, why isn't anyone else up here?

And then one day it all collapsed; the shields which had protected me for so many decades. And behind the shields was a scared, atrophied little thing; a rabbit skinned alive, screaming and running around in circles after someone threw a bucket of hot water over it. And then it vanished; and the old self was no more, just like that. The modus operandi was gone; 44 for men and 40 for women, it often seems. The ways that we operated, the things that kept us going, our means of survival, of interacting with the world, for some reason that was the age beyond which they did not work anymore. You see it all the time; man, 44, bundled into back of police van after embezzling millions from the casino, woman, 40, arrested, screaming; man, 44, arrested, fighting, theft, lunacy. The patterns of addiction could only survive so long; the human form could only survive so long; and after that they either adapted and changed; or they died. Too many died.

All my friends died, well most of my friends died, often well before the 40/44 mark; and I was left alone to bear witness; that we had at least lived; that these times had been ours, the universe ours; those staggering views from the building we called Gotham City, or Withering Heights; that the great tumult, the almighty shout; the cosy embrace; the physical crush; the courting with insanity that was part of us, the group of mad young queens who were going to change the world and instead died young, clutching the shreds of careers and remnants of personalities, shivering in corners as the withdrawals kicked in; dear God be kind, just this once. And in those days, the shields were working perfectly; a pretty boy, a glittering heart. And in those mornings, the world lit up with shafts of acid light, I would take the lift to the top floor, climb past the blockades through on to the forbidden roof; and watch the night turn into day, and wonder, truly wonder, why isn't anyone else up here, why aren't there people like me on top of all the buildings, watching the sun rise above the sea? It was all so beautiful.

THE BIGGER STORY:

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-na-heath24jan24,0,3236767.story?coll=la-home-center

It will be at least 10 days and perhaps two weeks before officials can determine what killed actor Heath Ledger, found in a Manhattan apartment on Tuesday, a spokeswoman for the New York medical examiner's office said today.

An autopsy of the 28-year-old Australian actor was inconclusive, Ellen Borakove, a spokeswoman for the medical examiner, said in a telephone interview. The additional time is needed to perform toxicology and other tests, she said.

The body is likely to be released sometime today, she said.

Ledger, nominated for an Academy Award for his portrayal of a cowboy's tragic homosexual affair in "Brokeback Mountain," was found lying naked at the foot of his bed in a SoHo apartment that he was renting. Prescription sleeping pills were nearby, police said.

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23095733-661,00.html?from=mostpop

A GALAXY of movie stars are mourning actor Heath Ledger, describing him as one of the best actors Australia has produced.

Acclaimed actor Geoffrey Rush paid tribute to Ledger's talent and sensitive side.

"This is such a sad event. I admired Heath enormously,'' said Rush, who starred with Ledger in the hard-edged Aussie flick Candy.

"He was such a sensitive and committed and daring actor. This is truly a tragedy. I send my condolences to his family and friends and colleagues."

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23099380-661,00.html

HEATH Ledger was battling drug addiction and depression in the lead-up to his tragic death yesterday.

The acclaimed actor was found naked and unconscious in his $26,000-a-month Manhattan apartment, surrounded by prescription anti-anxiety and sleeping pills.

Ledger's parents, Kim and Sally, and his sister, Kate, said his death was a terrible accident.

"He was a down-to-earth, generous, kind-hearted, life-loving and unselfish individual who was an inspiration to many," his father said outside the family home in Perth.

New York police sources said the signs pointed to either an accidental overdose or suicide.

Ledger, 28, reportedly spent several days at a drug rehabilitation clinic, battling an addiction to heroin, after his split from fiancee Michelle Williams in September.