Nasty, unpleasant, completely dishonest, they were some of the people he had met in Thailand, and some days they still lived rent free in his head. That some of them were the Thai Police or Thai Tourist Police should not have surprised him, but did, because he hadn't been looking for a story, he had been looking for peace. And the old phrase kept recurring: Amazing how unhappy you can become, looking for happiness. If it had all been a mistake, and he was paying for it, sitting in a place where he did not want to be, getting progressively more stressed the longer he stayed, stir crazy to the max, pacing, pacing, as if nothing would ever set him free, nothing, profoundly pissed off, he would still like to have seen the thieves and thugs who feasted on his elderly corpse strung up in a dry breeze, their own reputations shredding off into the desert sands. Because how low they were, he could never have imagined.
It might have been easier if it had been planned, it might have been easier if he hadn't slipped off the wagon, but in the end, minor indiscretions amplified, they were the ones who were the liars, they were the ones who were the thieves. They were the ones who had proved themselves untrustworthy and dishonest to the core. And so, with the pain wracking through his shoulders so he could barely even shrug, he just put one foot in front of the other. He couldn't stand his circumstance anymore and for a time did not know how to get out of it. There were curses and sly circumstance, and a crawling sea eating away at the land, and bored youth hanging in cars on the headlands, the same headlands white people had first seen little more than two centuries ago. Behind them the 'burbs.
Where there had once been middens there were now car parks. Where there had once been low lying bush there were now mowed lawns. Where there had once been small tribal groupings, now there were socio-demographics. The boredom was the social glue; there was nothing to do. People lived quiet, unambitious lives, or just went off in moments of random, inappropriate anger. The tory whip and the dead hand of socialism had combined in a perfect storm to deplete entire areas of money, bars, clubs. The worker's paradise had become an impoverished place; and they had an overlapping collusion of government, bureaucrats, lazy media and corporates, not to mention the time zone of academics, to thank for it. Everything had settled into a thudding, agonizing bliss. The wind blew through the sky amd made land fall some where else. The joy was gone.
He had known for a very long time he didn't want to live here anymore. That he was here at all was not his choice. His stress levels just kept on rising. It wasn't fair, what they had done, but nobody ever said life was fair. He could fall more or less at random into any group he chose. "You can talk to anyone," an old friend had said in the Piccolo Bar in the Cross one night. With old Vittorio always lecturing him in a dismissive, curious tone about something or other. You've put on weight. You're looking older. You used to be so drunk when you came here as a teenager. Well woopy doo. The land called, and life called, and he didn't want to be here anymore. That was all there was to it. So he let out his angst, briefly, and prepared for another day. He just hoped it wouldn't be another day of the thieves and thugs of Thailand living rent free in his head: just because he'd been stupid enough to believe them. To have been born a trusting soul. To be surprised by liars. To spiral downwards, walk away from everything. If he was going to find peace, it wasn't going to be here. He would have to muster all the graciousness he could; and remain, as of old, eternally silent.
THE BIGGER STORY:
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/labor-leader-bill-shorten-furious-at-kevin-rudds-retirement-ambush/story-fni0cx12-1226760244728
BILL Shorten was heard swearing as he left the parliamentary chamber on Wednesday night after being forced to deliver a political eulogy to Kevin Rudd.
The new Labor leader was given 10 minutes notice that the man he replaced was about to drop his bombshell during a division on a vote to raise the government's debt ceiling.
"He was furious,'' said a Labor source, who saw Mr Shorten walking out of the chamber muttering.
"Rudd obviously didn't tell him because he thought he would leak it.''
So tightly held was Rudd's secret that the only colleague to know of his plans was close friend Anthony Albanese.
The former prime minister had decided to end his political career with the high drama that punctuated his tortured leadership. He told virtually no one.
His closest political confidantes in parliament thought he may have been about to talk about a global leaders conference.
As he was putting the finishing touches on his shock resignation speech he didn't reveal to close colleagues the nature of its content.Later he asked another friend and supporter if he could take his speaking slot on Wednesday night, again without revealing the subject.
Labor MPs were then left to scramble tributes after a teary Mr Rudd used the speech to declare he was leaving parliament.
Colleagues said those closest to him in caucus, such as Chris Bowen, were given little notice of his impending resignation and were hit hard by the loss of a friend and mentor.
"He realised there was no future,'' one said.
After parliament adjourned Mr Rudd spent time with his youngest son Marcus at parliament before going to dinner with a small group of MPs at a Canberra Indian restaurant.
"He was in high spirits,'' one MP at the gathering said.
He told colleagues he wanted former Queensland MP Di Farmer to be Labor's candidate in his seat of Griffith.
Tributes yesterday reflected the division of the Rudd-Gillard era. Former PM Julia Gillard tweeted: "Best wishes to Kevin, Therese & their family as they embark on the next stage of their lives.''
Mark Latham tore into Mr Rudd, calling him a "bastard''.
RUDD ON $3000 A WEEK FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE Gemma Jones
KEVIN Rudd leaves parliament with a lifetime pension of more than $155,000 a year.
As a former prime minister, he is eligible for an office, car and possibly a security detail.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott can determine what is offered to Mr Rudd and it is understood he will approve entitlements in line with those afforded to other former PMs.
He will deny him an overseas government post with colleagues yesterday expecting Mr Rudd to pursue private opportunities overseas.
Mr Abbott said, while he believed Mr Rudd would continue to make a contribution to Australia, he would not offer him a posting.
His superannuation pension in excess of $155,000 will be indexed for life, with Mr Rudd entering parliament in 1998 - six years before the generous MPs' pension scheme was closed.
Mr Rudd could also be paid to give speeches, with former prime minister John Howard earning thousands.
A Labor source said colleagues believed he had a plan when he dramatically quit parliament on Wednesday.
Mr Rudd attended a meeting at the UN in late September on a test-ban treaty and met French President Francois Hollande in what his office described as a "courtesy call" in Paris last month.
Meanwhile, Jessica Rudd has ruled out running in the seat of Griffith in the wake of her father's resignation.
Former Australian Medical Association president Bill Glasson gained a swing of more than 5 per cent for the Libs at the election, but is yet to confirm if he will run.
CLEARING THE PATH FOR THE TAX VOTE Patrick Lion
SENATE votes on the carbon tax repeal and raising the debt ceiling are set to be held before Christmas as Labor faces mounting pressure over the key policy battlegrounds.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott's wish for a carbon tax vote during the December sittings strengthened yesterday after the Greens took the unusual move of siding with the Coalition to force an inquiry into the laws, to report on December 2. Labor had been trying to delay the reporting date to March, arguing anything earlier would be an undemocratic ''quick and dirty inquiry''.
But that timeline may have delayed the senate vote into the May budget session or beyond.
Labor voting down the laws in December would give the Coalition the option to hold a second vote early next year and provide a double dissolution election trigger.
The carbon tax manoeuvring came as the upper house was also set to host a vote on raising the debt ceiling in the December sittings after Labor and the Greens yesterday rejected the government's plans to raise the limit from $300 billion to $500 billion.
The parties instead amended the legislation to allow a $400 billion debt limit, arguing the government had not justified the $500 billion limit because the mid-year budget update had not been released.
Treasurer Joe Hockey was holding firm last night as the government believed Greens leader Christine Milne may come on board at the December 2 sitting week after Treasury secretary Martin Parkinson is quizzed about the issue during senate estimates next week.
Mr Hockey yesterday said he was seeking advice on what would happen if the current $300 billion limit was breached as expected on December 12.
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