Not Sure

*

The images were fleeing like rats into a grey ether; and he wore the distended, ragged tiger t-shirt with pride. It cost him 200 baht and already it was falling apart. But he liked the distended red Asian tiger and the word "Answers" crawling across his chest. As if there were any answers. As if the flight of the tiger through the smoky sky held anything but a sense of infinite strangeness, of Asian nights and infinity and a clarion call to right the wrongs. He wasn't shattered or bereft, confused or blinded. Wounded by life, perhaps, by worries that marked the fall of innocence, by a thousand creeping sensitivities that blurred into one enormous vague out. Oh pretty boy, come hither. As if it meant anything. As if they hadn't already been where everyone should go. To the end of the line. Not to Absolut, but absolute, there in the peak of indulgences and the singing of modern songs of discredit. He couldn't be sure what was happening. Fool if he succumbed to demands, idiot if he didn't. These were not the times of which he had dreamt.

One happy year in Bangkok, that's all I ask, is exactly what he had told himself. But now it was more about strategy and hypothesis and completing things which were overhanging from the past. Taking what was his and making it whole. Confounding. There were a thousand ways to think about this. He was going straight to hell in a hand basket. All attempts at reversal were bound to fail. He had crossed the line at high speed and failed to put on the breaks until five seconds before collision. When it was simply too late to avoid disaster. Castrophise; that's what we do, someone said. He couldn't care less. Believe? What was there to believe in? Of the many conflicting philosophies, he remained in doubt. Pick one, is that what you do? I was so desperate I would have believed anything, I was prepared to do exactly what I was told, they say. And he looked at them; defiance in the face of God. The worst beating he had ever had as a child was when he announced he didn't believe in God, or at least wasn't sure; and then subsequently refused to apologise. Why should he apologise for telling the truth?

The belts snaked out into an infinity of loss. We were sure there were answers, we just weren't sure what they were. It wasn't to be found in baffled excess; he'd given that a good enough shaking. From the clubs at dawn to the bewildered mornings; to the intoxicating foreign landscapes that morphed in and out of whatever constituted the present. They had become just like any other bank, rude, incompetent, dismissive. They had subsequently tried and cried and flayed themselves with wonder; and still nothing worked. I no like, he said, it puts me in a very awkward position, fool if I do, bastard if I don't, he said of yet another Thai request for money; from their always sprawling, always needy, always supposedly in crisis families. Falangs as mobile ATMS. Infinite money; he was more about infinite loss. If there was any way to stay sane he would crawl onto the raft. Act with dignity, act with dignity, these fleeting moments of flight, as he greeted his friends at the brothel door, where they had been waiting for him. How were the boys, the mamasan asked. The boys are very nice, he said, I'm not working very well. A head case. Surely not. The city was as ravishingly beautiful was it was every other day; an infinitely fascinating place; with new corners to be discovered at every turn. New treachery. New delight. It couldn't be clearer. He took no action.

THE BIGGER STORY:


http://www.canberratimes.com.au/news/local/news/general/oakeshotts-speaker-bid-could-tip-balance/1943302.aspx

The Federal Government is seeking urgent legal advice on a bid by Independent Rob Oakeshott to become Speaker, a move that would dramatically shift the power balance in the new Parliament.
If he is successful, the Coalition may refuse to supply a Deputy Speaker, forcing Labor to nominate a backbencher and thereby lose its wafer-thin majority.

The situation would arise because the votes of the Speaker and Deputy Speaker are cancelled by ''pairing''.

This arrangement was put in place by the historic agreement forged by Prime Minister Julia Gillard with the country Independents to make the Speaker more independent of party politics.

Labor and Opposition frontbenchers could not say last night if the agreement would remain valid if Mr Oakeshott was successful in becoming Speaker. They also questioned how Mr Oakeshott could fill the role of Speaker but still push issues for his electorate. A fall-back position to Labor's problem would be installing renegade Independent Bob Katter as the Deputy Speaker, because he has sided with the Coalition.

The Canberra Times reported yesterday that the current Speaker, Labor's Harry Jenkins, was in danger of losing his prestigious position.

Mr Jenkins, who would not comment last night, became collateral damage in horse trading when Mr Oakeshott turned his attention to the Speaker's position after rejecting Ms Gillard's invitation to be a minister.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/09/16/3013085.htm?section=justin

Former foreign affairs minister Alexander Downer says he is willing to support his old political foe Kevin Rudd in his new job.

Mr Rudd was sworn in as Foreign Affairs Minister earlier this week and is now on his first overseas trip to Pakistan and the United States.

During the election campaign Mr Downer said the former prime minister was unfit for the post because he had damaged Australia's relationship with some important countries.

But last night Mr Downer told Lateline that was in the past.

"He's become the foreign minister, Labor has formed the Government and I think the really important thing now is that he be given a chance as the Foreign Minister to do the job that he's been appointed to do, and to do it effectively.

"The one thing I'm not going to do is dwell on things he said about me and things that I've allegedly said about him.

"Whatever any of us may have thought beforehand it's certainly my view that we need now to give him a bit of support and hope that he does very well. It's not about Kevin Rudd, it's about Australia, and it's in Australia's national interest that he does well."

Picture: Novices in Chiang Mai.