Try Again

*

Everything went every which way. Scattered origins, scattered futures, boys idling away the day in back sois. He would never be one of them; that he knew now. Although he still envied, sometimes, Baw's great ability to get lost in the karaoke bars of Bangkok, to get lost in the whisky and laughter and fine scale attempts to divide the heavenly divides. The policeman in the corner. The handsome, should that be pretty, girl in his lap. He had always been the only foreigner. Always. In these places no foreigner ever saw. And even now, when he sat amongst them and watched them touting for customers, it seemed that the French or the Europeans or whoever they were, ugly as sin to a man, never even acknowledged his presence as they were ushered inside. Often enough they would emerge shortly afterwards, underwhelmed or overwhelmed, it was difficult to tell, because they were suddenly the only customer in a bar of semi-naked, increasingly desperate boys. The nights wore on and customers were scarce.

So when he was overcharged for drinks, for their endless cokes and soda one night his reaction was immediate and angry. He wasn't an ordinary customer in any ordinary sense. He wasn't looking at the boys. He wasn't taking any of them home. He had been blind sided yet all these things were a terrible waste. Wasn't there a better life than sitting in a back street watching male prostitutes peddle their wares. He wasn't so sure. Even the strange light that played upon the buildings seemed immensely beautiful. Some where's, some why's. Some of the places in between. A broiling sky, a dark conscience, a soothing sanity. It had all been a terrible mistake. Once the darkness fell there was no way out. Once Christmas dawned he could only hope for compromise. Perhaps he really should be prepared to reach out, to stroke his hand along the fabric of things, to engage in the discourse, to surrender, confess, reveal. Not bloody likely, he thought. Not for you bunch.

In the land of endless compromise, in the land of hungry ghosts, all of it shed for weakness all of it shred for strength, he couldn't help but pine for something more profound. Sure he paid them. Looking for love in all the wrong places. But then he knew that already. He watched the trissy boy he didn't particularly like with his new customer. French. Old. Gaw mak mak as his own companion whispered to him. Very old. He knew the boy didn't like foreigners. They made him sick. He had told him once he was allergic to them, like allergic to a cat. If he stayed with them for more than three or four days he became ill. Yet there he was acting all friendly to the French man, boyfriend. The European seemed clearly besotted, massaging the neck of his victim with what appeared to be affection. He watched them as they disappeared down the soi. That was one thought that was not erotic. There was darkness in the buildings all around; all the office workers had gone home; and the only life was in the ground floor level bars, Nature Boys, Night Boys, the Golden Cock, the disco Hot Male Station slowly stirring into life as midnight approached. I want to go home, he declared loudly to the boy, demanding the keys. He had suddenly had enough of it all.

THE BIGGER STORY:

http://www.smh.com.au/national/rudd-ruffles-feathers-to-be-in-clinton-limelight-20101109-17m2c.html

Kevin Rudd gatecrashed the special ABC television broadcast with Hillary Clinton on the weekend, demanding a place in the heavily promoted event to share the limelight with the US Secretary of State, an official said.

Mr Rudd's last-minute decision to attend the town hall-style meeting sent organisers at the ABC, the Foreign Affairs Department and US embassy into a spin - coming only hours before the event was due to be recorded.

Mr Rudd was not scheduled to be among the VIP guests at the recording, which included Australia's ambassador in Washington, Kim Beazley, the businessman Hugh Morgan, Melbourne University's vice-chancellor, Glyn Davis, and the US ambassador to Australia, Jeff Bleich.

Advertisement: Story continues below
But after a dinner with Mrs Clinton on Saturday night, Mr Rudd insisted he attend. An Australian official familiar with the event said Mr Rudd had stridently demanded plans be changed to include him. ''The behaviour was disgusting and he deserves to be called on it,'' the official told The Age.

There was confusion that Mr Rudd was actually asking to be seated on stage alongside Mrs Clinton and the ABC host, Leigh Sales, for the broadcast dubbed, Hillary Rodham Clinton: An Australian Conversation. This threatened to undo the careful planning for the recording, which involved some six camera positions spread among an audience of about 450 in a Melbourne University lecture theatre.

But Mr Rudd has denied he or his staff asked for a seat on stage. ''No, not at all. I didn't ask to go on the stage at all,'' he told The 7.30 Report on Monday.

''I said to Hillary, 'Oh, you're going to the university tomorrow? That's terrific. I know the vice-chancellor. I'd like to come along and have a look. That's terrific.'''

Mrs Clinton has made a habit of engaging in televised special conversations with younger audiences around the region, including in Cambodia and Indonesia.

She has never previously shared the stage with another foreign minister. Mr Rudd described as a ''bit of mischief'' suggestions he sought a place on stage.

He arrived early at the event and walked up and down the aisle, shaking hands with the audience. He then took a seat in the front row and later attended a morning tea hosted by Melbourne University Asialink following the recording.

After a hectic two days of meetings, where Mrs Clinton repeatedly praised him for his expert knowledge of foreign affairs, Mr Rudd has now fallen ill.

On medical advice, he has pulled out of attending a regional summit in Japan, with the Trade Minister, Craig Emerson, to represent Australia in his place.

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/rudd-waged-war-on-alp-howes/story-fn59niix-1225948549170

PAUL Howes has accused Kevin Rudd of being responsible for the damaging leaks against Labor during the federal election campaign.

He claimed the "vindictive" former prime minister waged a "dirty war" designed to wreck the ALP's bid for re-election.

Mr Howes also revealed how Mr Rudd privately briefed union leaders at Kirribilli House on Labor's planned mining tax several weeks before the government announced the plan in May this year, and prior to the mining industry being told.

In Confessions Of a Faceless Man, his inside account of the election campaign, Mr Howes wrote that he became so angry about Mr Rudd's alleged behaviour, he drafted a set of charges against the former prime minister to justify expelling him from the party. He never filed them.

By the second week of the campaign, Mr Howes wrote, he believed Mr Rudd was responsible for the leaks that were damaging Julia Gillard. "It seems that the same person who leaked last night's story to Laurie Oakes has now given similar quotes to Peter Hartcher at The Sydney Morning Herald. It firms up my suspicion that Rudd is waging a dirty war against the Labor Party."

Mr Howes, the national secretary of the Australian Workers' Union, who played a role in the Prime Minister toppling Mr Rudd in June, wrote how his mood of depression about the leaks "morphed into outright anger".

"I now believe that Rudd is doing everything he can to wreck the campaign," he wrote.

Mr Howes recounted a mid-campaign encounter with former Liberal Party Victorian president Michael Kroger, who told him: "You guys are gone, mate".

"His rationale is that the recent leaks are just a preview of what's to come," Mr Howes wrote.

"He is positive that Rudd is behind them and that, as an outsider without any loyalty to the party, Rudd will do all he can to destroy our chances at the election. I think he's right."

At this time, Mr Howes's depression had become "overwhelming". "I'm now certain that Labor has lost," he wrote.

"(Tony) Abbott will become prime minister not because of some major mood for change among the Australian people, nor some ambitious policy that has captured their imagination, but because of the vindictiveness of a former Labor prime minister who is determined to make sure that, if he can't be PM, then no one else on our side can be either.

"I throw myself into my work for a few hours, but then my mind turns to the election again and I draft a set of charges against Kevin to justify expelling him from the party. I'll never file them, but it makes me feel better."

Mr Howes said that Labor faced "electoral annihilation" under Mr Rudd, with an internal party poll taken four days before the leadership change on June 24 showing the ALP would have lost 23 seats, with another nine going either way.

A spokesman for Mr Rudd declined to comment yesterday on Mr Howes's claims, referring to the Foreign Minister's previous comments that while people were entitled to write books about the election, he would not participate.

http://lh4.ggpht.com