Beyond

*

If there was anything to be said for the infinite, for time across mind and a million spaces, for tropical beaches and strange situations, for dancing in the last bar in the last resort in town, there at 8am, for being lost, infinitely lost in the time zones between the places. He wasn't there. That was the point. There was no tomorrow. The declamatory voice held firm. He wanted to be high and he wanted not to think, he wanted to be in love and he wanted to negotiate a price, an understanding. Everything came back to haunt. They looked across desolated landscapes; but that was only the beginning. Every old queen he had ever known hung in the walls, laughing. He was very strange, stranger than strange, and if these haunted symphonies ever had any meaning; if these wild times on the cusp of the edge, in a place where no man could survive and no woman was welcome, he came to them, crawling, pitiful, I love you, I pay for you, infinite, that's what it was, these cries of pain and loneliness and desire, infinite desire, for the islands have come to you; and nothing is safe.

They came together, all these warm bodies. They danced to his tune and another tune, and a welcome passing and all that ever was; angry now, ratting away, but also, bless you, everything, orgasms so freely given, Thai sex workers so easily bought, things that were never the same once another person entered; places where they loved and lusted and held their private entreaties, their infinite lust, their infinite gratitude; time out of mind indeed. It wasn't everything he had hoped for. But every old queen he had ever met hung in the walls, laughing, and they said: we knew it would happen to you. We knew you were lost the minute we met you; even though you were young and handsome and desired at the time, every possibility, every permutation, everything he had ever hoped for and fantasised about were present, there in raised ass cheeks and there in the parameters which we had so illy defined. My friend my friend. Boys will be boys. Every cutting blow. You are old. I am young. I am beautiful. Every desire was gratified; and yet, yet, there wasn't any ending that could pass for an ending.

We are tired. We are worn out. We are moi, moi, past it, drunk, and their voices said: I told you so. But in these crimes, in these places where he sought out the best and the worst, where he was reminded of a youth and flesh and sleeping with someone and the joyous spread of I want you: it was all the same. It would all end. Bangkok not serious; the boy said; and it was the wisest thing he had ever heard. There was nothing serious about this. But we go on our escapades. Thai men tour the brothels together. We drink and stay sober and can hear the crackling in the trees, the lightning flashing out to sea; the darkness and the warmth. Nobody has ever been so kind. Nobody has ever let me do that; not to the same degree. So they warmed; they were parted; things were different now. Times had changed. People had changed. The orgies of the past were long over. He paid and he paid. Things were lost but only begun. I want you, want you, handsome boy, and in the laughter, in these lost opportunities, he made me cry: no, no, yes, yes, I want you only and for always; the heart tugging a microscope, a terribly damned opportunity, a past which could not be forgotten, an understanding which came from a life only few could understand.

We were disgusted and gratified at the same time. The bar girl looked so sad at 7am in the morning, the last bar open in Koh Chang, when the French boy said: I give you 1,000 baht if you match me drink for drink. The whiskey disappeared. We had disappeared. There were only old men who had lost their power; there were only things he could never imagine, never orchestrate, never come to a conclusion. Why, why, was this desire so urgent, so infinite? He saw them on corners. He saw them in restaurants. They looked. They smiled. I am yours for a price. They were always for a price. Never pretend your attractiveness extends anything beyond your wallet. These were the broken hearts that laid themselves out across the so-called boulevarde of dreams, a broken place, a wretched place, and yet he was understanding, he understood that desire took multiple avenues, he understood that he was old now. That boys would be boys. They come quickly they come slowly. Ditch the twink and lets go out, Gary texted, and he could have been betrayed by anyone, but chose to be betrayed by himself. All was lost, all was short term, he paid the price, a very high price, for these randoms lusts and strange desires, for crossing the border so long ago it didn't matter, for creating text where no text lay before.

THE BIGGER STORY:


http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5g3j-vAVG1fg3kEfnogTiH8_4EXvwD9FE1RRO0

BANGKOK — Thai officials on Saturday called an emergency Cabinet meeting in the face of unrelenting anti-government street protests that have raised fears of broader civil unrest across the country.

With negotiations between the protesters and the government on hold and hopes for a peaceful end to the standoff dwindling, calls have grown for international mediators to be involved.

Government spokesman Panithan Wattanayagorn said the Cabinet would meet Sunday morning in a special session. Panithan declined to say what the agenda would be, but it was widely expected to focus on the seven-week crisis that has paralyzed parts of Bangkok.

In recent days, pro-establishment protesters have called on the government to declare martial law and crack down on the Red Shirt protesters, whose barricaded camp occupies streets in Bangkok's commercial center.

The Red Shirts are demanding the government disband Parliament and call elections, and they said Saturday they would ignore any imposition of martial law.

"Even if they announce that we are not going to go home. We are going to stay put," said Nattawut Saikua, a Red Shirt leader.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/05/01/2887734.htm?section=justin

At least 27 people have been killed and nearly 1,000 wounded in sporadic violence between protesters and security forces.

Some officials have expressed hopes the protesters will grow weary and go home soon, but Weng Tojirakarn, another Red Shirt leader, said Saturday that reinforcements were coming to increase their presence in the streets of the capital.

"Red Shirts, people from the provinces, are coming in to Bangkok, starting from today. And this time they will stay a long time," he said.

The Red Shirts, drawn mostly from the rural and urban poor, are demanding the resignation of Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva, saying he came to power through the connivance of Bangkok's elite bureaucrats and the military.

The International Crisis Group think tank said Thailand's political system had broken down and expressed fears the standoff could "deteriorate into an undeclared civil war."

The group appealed for foreign mediation, possibly led by East Timor President Jose Ramos Horta, to encourage both sides to stand down and help prepare for new elections and a government of national unity.

Thailand's iconic Buddhist monks have entered Bangkok's inner city rally zone to offer good luck to anti-government protesters.

Monks are expected to operate outside of politics, but at least some support what they say is a call for freedom and democracy.

One monk told the ABC their motives are above politics.

"We don't want any side to lose their life," he said. "That's why we're here."

There are 20 monks living in the protest site and their mere presence is a sort of neutral, visual conscience.

But some of their leaders, like Pra Sangian, relate to a quest from the rural poor and urban working class protesters for a better life.

He says all Thais want freedom and democracy, and the monks can also offer good luck.

"Buddha power, Dhamra power, Sangha power, protect you and everybody," he says.

Protection is needed. So far 27 people have been killed and almost 1,000 injured during two months of protests.

Wat Srapathum is inside the Red Shirts' barricades.

The temple is experiencing the same loss of clientele as businesses in the area.

There would usually be hundreds of people inside but many are too afraid to come into the city centre, even to a place of worship.

Nevertheless, Deputy Abbott Pra Thavorn Jittatarwaron says the temple continues to offer spiritual guidance and support to anyone who enters its gates.

"The nature of the world is not stable," he said.