This was not the time or place. You don't understand me, he said. You don't understand me, the boy replied. And so it was that one of their most intense conversations followed; precarious, these days, yet full of wonder, different things, the party that never ended, hysterical moments, frustrating moments, time out of mind and out of joint, wanted, wanted, for all to see, for the times that were and never were, for things that should never have been, for a life that is now coming to an end, closing, closing, these days of happiness and good luck, times for all to see, times when we should have been free. It was going to be alright. I am free. These things will make no difference. Love and live and learn. I don't believe you, the woman on the beach said, as he hunted desperately for a love he could not deny and destined to be nothing but a malady of the heart, a passing time. You don't understand, you don't understand, I am Thai. These things were true. The endless succession of girls. Oh how it made a difference. How time passed and he grew older; and in these shadows and the dance floors and the laughter outside, in these times he found if not oblivion an even greater joy. He hadn't gone back to meetings, not yet.
There were times, here in the grip, when he could not have been happier. Finding these things. Doing these things. Making things happen. Shocking, shocking, what it all came to; the mistakes, those terrible expensive mistakes when everything moved and all was for free; when shocking things were done; when he made his way through the darkness only to be greeted by a doorman at a bar, by a summertime execution, by a significant other; by things that were nice but not nice, time that moved swiflty, only, only, fly quickly through these times. Coming back to Bangkok. Coming back to uniforms and sad times and moments when we were free; blessed; the heat of the day already settling in; summer time and the heat was blinding, and now in the morning and now in the night, walking walking through everything that had ever settled, through these dark moments, through rent boys. You don't know, you don't know. Take care of my friend. You don't understand Thailand. No, he did not understand Thailand. Take care of my friend.
Well he didn't understand and everything moved in shadows; walking, talking, through all these things. You show me you show me. At great expense. Everything cost so much money. He was marooned. That was for sure. But these things would end soon; very soon. And he would move quickly into another place; another condo, another apartment, into another life where we could be happy; where I am happy. Move to the centre of Thailand. I know everything. Everybody say to me, Baw, Baw, come with me, I give you tip, tip, and he sleep all day, part time, and not come to work when he did not feel like it. These things, these lazy days, were brutal in their simplicity. He wasn't going to be marked forever. He was just going to be a different person. Live quietly. Watch TV. Let the shadows walk upon the land. Let everything go free. Let the movement take charge. Let everything be quiet. Because now there was nothing and he rediscovered himself. There in the morning there in the night; in the night sky where everything could be free. I pay everything, tuk tuk, this, that, and now I have no baht. Well what a surprise. You give it all away. There is no moment when we can be free. The party must be over. Tonight, tonight, the party is over. That's for sure. We wake in the morning and we cry for peace. We wake in the evening and cry for forgiveness. We wake with a smile and hope for the best. That is the way of it all.
THE BIGGER STORY:
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE64C0L620100522
(Reuters) - Troops searched for explosives while firefighters doused the embers of a torched luxury mall in central Bangkok on Saturday as the capital tried to pick up the pieces after the worst political riots in modern Thai history.
World | Thailand
Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva had stressed reconciliation in an address to the nation on Friday but made no offer of early elections, the main demand of protesters who had demonstrated in Bangkok for two months until troops dispersed them this week.
The "red shirt" protesters who rioted in Bangkok come mainly from the rural and urban poor. They want new elections, saying they are disenfranchised by an urban elite that wields all the power and holds a disproportionate share of the country's wealth.
"Let me reassure you that this government will meet these challenges and overcome these difficulties through the five-point reconciliation plan that I had previously announced," Abhisit said in his televised address.
The plan, first announced on May 3, offers political reforms, social justice and an investigation into political violence.
The "red shirts" say Abhisit lacks a popular mandate after coming to power in a controversial parliamentary vote in 2008 with tacit military support.
The government says the protesters were manipulated by the movement's figurehead, ex-premier Thaksin Shinawatra, who was ousted in a coup in 2006 and now lives in self-imposed exile to escape a prison term for abuse of power.
The military crackdown began before dawn on Wednesday, killing at least 15 people and wounding nearly 100. Erawan Emergency Medical Center said 53 people had died and 415 were wounded in the flare-up of violence from May 14.
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